now i can see.

not long after that my eyes cured and even better it cured several weeks before the next semester so i just missed 1 semester which i could just view it like a long holiday. the first thing i do at that time is to login to Ragnarok online games and say hi to all my friends there and surprisingly Faith guild ( my group in the online games ) even post wishes so that i could recover faster and a lot of names that i don't even know yet in the end i knew that my university friends that also in that group spread it out and they post it through internet i deeply appreciated what they have done so Thank you so much.

the first day i came to uni friends directly came to me one by one asking what happened to me. once said to me that's why don't go to gym so often and carry heavy things the other got a gossip that i do sit up to much than end up injured my back bone. and i need to keep repeating my sentence that even doctor didn't know what's wrong with me. most of them told me just write my story to internet but i really reluctant to do so until now ^^. but finally i could finished this story and hope that i could share my experience to all people that i don't know why look at my blog.

and most of you guys will probably feel strange why i suddenly end up in Singapore. i came to Singapore because i started to have a relationship with my Ex gf and i think it's better for me if i moved and find a job in singapore. so my mother loan me 2000 SGD. for me to find a job. and finally here i am though first time i afraid that i wouldn't able to get a job but i manage to get my first salary with 0 dollar in my pocket and it's quite a thrilling moment for me. thanks to her i got a courage to came to singapore and try to live independently.

enjoying b&w movie

few days after the dream my eyes sight recovery became even faster. i started to be able to see writing though it's not clear. when i go to my cousin house with my brother, he asked us whether we had already watch van helsing and asked me could i see a tv yet. so i answered him that i don't know because the last time i tried i still can't see anything on tv yet. but when he turn on the movie i could see the picture though all of them is black and white so i asked my cousin eh why the movie is black and white like old movie. he not answer me directly but look at the tv first and said this is a colored movie not b&w so its mean your eyes is not 100% recovered yet.

i replied him "o ok than at least there is a bright side on this, i could watch movie and enjoy black and white movie in modern live like now." my cousin and brother agreed than after that movie i keep on watching TV although it's seems strange that all movie is on black n white. this situation happened till 1 month and it's started to give me color started from blue than green than the last one is red. so in the middle of it all movie look strange to me. but this is an experience that not every one could manage to feel which make it bit cool ^^

Is this the blinded patient

my trip back to malay was better, i could see bit of things here and there not like the second time i went there. at this stage i still couldn't watch TV yet though it's on but i can't see the picture on the tv there's only sound. when we go for my eye checkup the doctor felt strange that i could read the test board and asked my mother "this is the kids that is blinded last time right ?" than my mother nod her head while confirming the doctor when being asked by the doctor whether i consumed other medicine my mother just lie and said no because she don't want the doctor to stopping me from consuming Mr Chen medicine. the doctor directly called the neural specialist doctor that treat me last time and write a letter to him that my eye recovery is because of vitamin B+. the Eye doctor told my Mother that i need to do checkup one more time 2 months from that time.

my mother looks happy because of the doctor reaction and at that evening we ate a great food it's a manggo fried fish and it's the best dish that i taste since the first time i went there. in malay we keep on finding good place to eat one of them is a laksa that being served inside a coconut it's really nice until the shop will close at 12 am though they open at 9 because all of the laksa is sold out.

every morning since the first time i went to malay we always eat breakfast on one coffee shop and this time the aunt that sold the coffee said to my mother "this time your son look more handsome and can see as well" that aunt always say the same thing when we drink to the store lucky that my mother only smile and don't talk much >.<

after we went back the next day i went to temple with my mother. Mr Yudo come and asked my mother whether i already started to do Gongyo or not, my mother answered that i still can't read letter yet so i haven't learn to do gongyo and Mr Yudo said it's just a reason not to learn. there is an old lady in temple that can't read but she learn from listening and insist my mother to teach me.

i felt i let my mother down than the next day at home while i chant in front of Gohonzon I pray and said " If it's really important to read and produce sound when i'm doing Gongyo please teach me, i admit i'm a shy person and i afraid of being wrong. how if somebody laugh at me when i wrongly spell the word and some more i can't read now though i really want to read the sutra" while i pray without noticing tears start to drop from my eyes. that same day when i'm a sleep i dream of one person wearing a white robe and holding the joju beads ( a beads that being hold in both of our hand when we chant) he said to me " come and learn you could follow me to chant. the whole dream he keep asking me to repeat reading Gongyo book until i don't know how many times i recite Gongyo on my dream. the next day ( at Sunday ) when i'm in temple i suddenly memorized the whole Gongyo wording and my mouth can automatically follow others to do Gongyo.

when i told this to my mother she said its maybe the deceased leader because he is a wise leader and like to teach believer. but for me no matter who is the one in my dream i believe that Gongyo is really important in Nichiren Shoshu Buddhism

Best Dream ever

After long prayer i end up fell asleep and i directly saw a guy face he is so calm, got a shiny face his hair is like a cone shape and got a lot of curly hair a soft light shining through his forehead. his face being surrounded by light a bright but not painful to see in fact it feel relaxing. he only smile at me without saying a word. i kept on wondering who is this person? is this the answer to my prayer ? or this is to show that I'll able to see again ? but again he don't say anything and just smile. the next morning i feel my body become so light and relaxed all the hallucination experience directly disappear and my mind also become calm.

i keep asking my self who is that person how he get that kind of bright yet relaxing charm and why the whole night i only dream about him smiling at me. but lucky me that i don't need to wait for long because at night my cousin came and told him about my dream than he answered me that it seems like a Siddhartha Gautama face figure. than i said to him it means my prayer being answered so i can be sure that I'll follow this Buddhism and he directly laugh and me and said "you are so lucky that Buddha is the one that come to your dream so if other God that come to your dream you will follow their religion ? " and i replied if that is the case than it might be my way of life too.

since that day i keep on chanting every morning and night and my eyes recovering is extraordinary fast till one day my mother, brother, cousin and I go to some mall to eat on the way to the mall i see the road and said "wah i can see that car number it's is XXXXXXX". my cousin look at me and said "hah ? you can see the car number? even my eyes can't see it" my mother got shocked as well because my eyes suddenly can see a lot better though my eye is only better at night. that trip is the a joyful trip i keep on trying to see my surrounding. 1 weeks after that day I'm preparing to go to Malay again for checkup and at this time i can packed my own cloths.

my promises and amazed

after deep observations i take few promises to my self not to drink alcohol no matter what is the benefit i could get by drinking it. than i realized it will be hard for me to take sales alike job. after drinking one's mind changed the shine in the eyes also changed. nowadays i must admit alcohol is a normal drink for society and i don't look down at people that drink it. just that by judging from my father i afraid i would do the same to my family when i have one.

there is too little benefit of drinking from my perspective because i afraid i would lost control and in the end i became like my father. there is too many bad experiences i saw by my own eyes or i could say i see it all.

one day my cousin ( he is like my own older brother, he came frequently to my house after i came back from hospital because he knew that i must be feeling lonely in my blindness. i really thank him of doing it.) came to my house he ask me to followed him to go to Starbucks to meet his friends since there is no one at home so i went with him. all i see is blur, light and other things it feel a bit weird because Jakarta got a lot of cars and traffic jam so all light i see is like a big ball because of the light flare.

we came to the cafe and 2 of his friend is there so my cousin introduce me to them and we sat down after ordering a nice green tea latte. at the moment i sat and his friend started to talk i felt that one of them is a gay from the way he talk to the other friend. but i thought maybe it's his style of talking so i keep quite. but in the end he is really a gay since from the conversation that he meet a guy at airplane and end up dating. but than after that conversation he directly talk about Buddhism with my cousin. he talk about his experience when he do meditation and what he learned when he go to one of the temple in Thailand. than i felt amazed knowing that Buddhism can accept gay believers and even don't discriminate them on their practice not like other religion they even cursed on gay by saying they don't accept they gender and other reason. since for me it might not appropriate for a human to judge other people on whether or not they are eligible to communicate to generally said "GOD". don't the religion leader ever think even a bit on cased that they might be feel being trapped on wrong gender body ? how do you feel when suddenly you wake up on other body which is diff gender? but than i realized it might be because few other religion don't believe in reincarnation because if i died now and reincarnate in girls body but still with my current thought and memory won't i became a guy trapped on girls body ?

after long conversation between my cousin and his friends than we went back to home. on the way my mind keep on thinking about Buddhism. but something strike my mind when i see one of the street light and i try to focus my eye on it, i suddenly can make the object focus just like when we use camera at first it will be blur but when we slowly rotate the focus control we can get a focus picture. but strangely i need to focus for my right eye and left eye at a different time so after i can see clearly using my right eye than i focus using my left eye. the whole trip till my home i keep talking to my cousin about other things while trying to refocus my eyes.

that night i really can't sleep because although i now I'm chanting but my whole life i learned Christianity in the end i said to my self there will be only one truth and I'll pray the whole night for the answer and i believe only the truth answer will come. than the whole night i keep on praying asking whether what i do now is correct, if i became Buddhism that time is it go against my belief, is this Buddhism for me? until i feel asleep